hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
