Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
they need to just BURY HIM!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
