Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
