I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
