Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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