Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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