I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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