Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
