Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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