I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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