brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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