jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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