looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
