What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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