he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
