just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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