but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
