she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
