just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
