Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just sent this text using only my big toe
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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