Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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