Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
