Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
