im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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