I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
