Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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