Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
