My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
