don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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