I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
