I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
