hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
