If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
