So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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