My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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