sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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