People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
