nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
