I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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