Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
