she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
