I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
