don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
