The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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