My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
