Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
