I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
