Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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