i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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