did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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