We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
