Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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